I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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