Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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