Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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