guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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