Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
