I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
