I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
