he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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