do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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