I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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