Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
