How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
