Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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