OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
