if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
