Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
