I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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