he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What changed your mind?
Being sober
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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