Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
