I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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