We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Randomize
