I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
