If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
