He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
