I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Randomize
