Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
