yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
