i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
