My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
