She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
