hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
