I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
