Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
