Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
