How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
