I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
