What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
