allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
