I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
