i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
