I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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