Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
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I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So here I am, sexting at work.
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