Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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