i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
