Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
