i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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