i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
