Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
