ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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