you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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