Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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