her vagine was all disorganized.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
