the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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