His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
