who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
