One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
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Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
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She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize