It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
