Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Drake has all the answers
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
