oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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