Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
