Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Randomize
