if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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