is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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