dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
